Animal Jokes

“How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut!”

  1. How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? “Pleased to eat you.”
  2. How much money does a skunk have? One scent!
  3. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left? Bison!
  4. What did one flea say to the other flea when they left the movies? “Should we walk home or take the dog?!”
  5. What did the leopard say after finishing a delicious meal? “That hit the spot!”
  6. What does a dolphin say when he’s confused? Can you please be more Pacific?
  7. What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A pouch potato.
  8. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer.
  9. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!
  10. What happened after the lion ate the comedian? He felt funny!
  11. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? “Odor in the Court.”
  12. What do rabbits need after getting wet in the rain? A hare dryer.
  13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
  14. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? “Ouch!”
  15. What’s the best kind of music to listen to when fishing? Something catchy.
  16. What steps do you take if a tiger is coming toward you? Big ones!
  17. What was the first animal in space? That cow who jumped over the moon.
  18. Where do fish keep their money? In a river bank.
  19. Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
  20. Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duhhh.
  21. Why are cows so poor? Because the farmers milk them dry!
  22. Why can’t a leopard hide? Because they always get spotted.
  23. Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.
  24. Why did the elephant quit his job? He was working for peanuts.
  25. Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee? She got too jumpy!
  26. Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig? They’re all ball hogs!