MarriedJokes.com
“Live Free
-or-
Get Married.”
No.
A man walks into a bar with a .44 Magnum:
Man:
“Who fucked my wife?”
Bartender:
“Mate, you ain’t got enough bullets!”
No.
“How do you remember your wife’s birthday?”
“By forgetting it once.”
No.
“My girlfriend accused me of cheating.”
“I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.”
No.
“What’s the difference between a prostitute and a wife?”
“A wife accepts credit cards.”
No.
“I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family.”
“My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.”
No.
“Love thy neighbor.”
“Just make sure her husband’s away on business first.”
No.
“What’s the secret to a happy marriage?”
“Find a woman who can cook and clean. A woman who’s an animal in bed. A woman with lots of money. Just make sure these three never meet each other.”
No.
“A man without a wife is incomplete.”
“Once married, he’s finished.”
No.
Wife:
“I fucking love you!”
Husband:
“Is that you or the wine talking?”
Wife:
“It’s me. Talking
to the wine!”
No.
“I’ve spent years searching for my husband’s killer.”
“Still can’t find anyone to do it!”
No.
Husband:
“Just once, I wish you’d admit I’m right!”
Wife:
“Just once, I wish you’d admit you’re wrong!”
Husband:
“Fine. I’m wrong!”
Wife:
“Finally, something you’re right about!”
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