Office Jokes

“Do you believe in life after death?”
“No, because there’s no evidence for it.”
“After you left early for you Grandmas funeral, she came in looking for you.”

  1. I asked my Boss if I could leave early. He said, “Only if you make up the time.” I replied, “It’s 20 past 37.”
  2. I had a dream I went to work. When I woke up, I called in sick. I ain’t fittin’ to do that sh*t twice!
  3. I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
  4. I think they hired me for my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
  5. My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially, because his name is Steve.
  6. My boss told me, “There’s no problems, just opportunities.” I replied, “Well, I guess have a serious drinking opportunity.”
  7. My boss told me it’s the third time I’ve been late this week, and asked if I knew what that meant? I replied, “It’s Wednesday?”
  8. My HR manager told me to go to Hell. I replied, “I’m confused, should I stay or leave?”
  9. My interviewer told me I’ll start at 50K a year. After 1 year, It’ll be 60K. I told him I’ll start next year.
  10. You know what they say about a clean desk? Must be a cluttered drawer!