Boss:
“Do you believe in life after death?”
Me:
“No, because there’s no evidence for it.”
Boss:
“After you left early for you Grandmas funeral, she came in looking for you.”

1. I asked my Boss if I could leave early. He said, “Only if you make up the time.” I replied, “It’s 20 past 37.”
2. I had a dream I went to work. When I woke up, I called in sick. I ain’t fittin’ to do that sh*t twice!
3. I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
4. I think they hired me for my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
5. My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially, because his name is Steve.
6. My boss told me, “There’s no problems, just opportunities.” I replied, “Well, I guess have a serious drinking opportunity.”
7. My boss told me it’s the third time I’ve been late this week, and asked if I knew what that meant? I replied, “It’s Wednesday?”
8. My HR manager told me to go to Hell. I replied, “I’m confused, should I stay or leave?”
9. My interviewer told me I’ll start at 50K a year. After 1 year, It’ll be 60K. I told him I’ll start next year.
10. You know what they say about a clean desk? Must be a cluttered drawer!